Eavesdropping
by Lumikins
Summary: Roy Mustang, Maes Hughes, and Riza Hawkeye hear something from the Elrics' dorm that makes for interesting situations. So rated for innuendo, minor language, and hints at yaoi. One-shot.


"Eavesdropping"

A Fanfiction

By Lumikins

Author's Notes: Wow! I am so totally going to hell for this one. This goes to all the kick-ass people from MTAC, and to Kayla and Kellye and Susan for giving me the ideas. - Prompted by some very interesting discussions on the funkiness of Ed/Al yaoi, and the total sex-on-a-phone-strap that is Roy/Ed. Word up.

Clank. Clank. Clank.

A very bewildered Colonel Roy Mustang stood outside the door behind which Ed and Al Elric resided, wondering for a fleeting moment if he had enjoyed a few too many shots of whiskey.

Clank. Clank. Clank.

"Uh… Brother?"

No, it wasn't the alcohol- that was Al's voice. And the younger Elric sounded rather uncomfortable.

The Flame Alchemist blinked and looked down the hall. Good. Nobody was around.

He could eavesdrop in peace.

Because, seriously, if Ed and Al were…

So he took another step closer. Then another, and another, placing both hands on the door and nearly leaning on it.

Clank. Clank. Clank.

…The hell?

Mustang frowned, turning his head to press his left ear against the door, dark hair falling into his eyes. Not that he needed to see; really- it was all about hearing.

Clank. Clank. Clank.

And, beneath the sound of metal banging (gulp!) against metal, was that the telltale squeak of a mattress?

No way. The Elrics were not…

"What are you doing out here?"

Roy whipped around, a punch ready to be thrown, and found himself face to face with Maes Hughes. A Maes Hughes who looked quite baffled. Granted, his confusion was certainly brought about by the presence of his fellow colonel at the Elrics' door, but… still.

In answer, Roy lifted his hand, signaling that silence was of utmost importance.

Clank. Clank. Clank.

"Al! Hold still!"

"That!" he hissed. "THAT is why I'm out here."

Hughes stood there in thoughtful silence, rubbing his chin, then smirked. "…Jealous?"

"I am NOT jealous, nor do I have any reason to be."

"Oh, come on. Everybody knows you and Full Metal are hot for each other."

"…Shut up."

"Move over."

Blushing, Roy stepped to his left. Hughes moved in, right ear to the door. So he could watch Roy squirm or something, probably. That stupid smirk was still on his face. Roy wanted to reach over and beat it off.

Clank. Clank. Clank.

"Stop it, Brother!"

"Calm down, Al. Not much longer."

Hughes' smirk faded, and he regarded Roy with inclined eyebrows. "You don't think they're really…"

"I hope not."

"So you ARE jealous!"

"I am not!"

"You are so, that's why you're being so pissy about the subject!"

"Shut up!"

"Gentlemen?"

A third voice joined in, and both men jumped. Riza Hawkeye was standing behind them, arms folded. "…Having fun?"

"No," Roy grumbled, shooting the female lieutenant a dirty look. "We were just lea-"

"Roy is jealous," Hughes interrupted, grinning again, "because he thinks Full Metal is doing you-know-what with Al. He was eavesdropping, and I joined him. Come on, we'll make room. It's entertaining."

With a burning face and a mutter of 'I'll burn your hair off,' Roy stepped to his left again while Hughes moved to the right, and the blonde slipped between them, bending at the waist and pressing her right ear to the door. So she was going to watch Roy squirm, too. "So, Colonel, how jealous are you?"

"I am not jealous, Lieutenant."

"Whatever." Riza grinned, then fell silent. All three went back to listening to whatever was going on in the bedroom.

Clank. Clank. Clank.

There was something like a whimper from the younger brother, and a hiss from the elder, followed by what sounded vaguely (to Roy, at any rate) like a moan.

And then the clanking stopped.

Roy looked at Riza. Riza looked at Hughes. Hughes shrugged, and all three looked back at the door.

Clank-thump. Clank-thump. Clank-thump.

"Much better, Al." It was Ed. "I think I'm going to take a shower now."

And, with no more warning than that, the door opened, all three officers tumbling on top of the fourth alchemist. A fully clothed Ed was now sprawled on his back, pinned beneath Riza. Hughes was quickly rising, and Roy had lifted himself on to his elbows, gazing around the room.

The bed was made. Ed was dressed. And there was a metal hammer sitting beside Al, who was rubbing his right forearm. The dent that Roy suddenly recalled seeing earlier in the day was gone.

And, suddenly, the dark-haired colonel felt very, very silly.

As the four rose, Ed looked up at them all, somewhere between horrified and embarrassed. "What- why- what's going on, here?"

The officers exchanged looks, then Roy cleared his throat. "Nothing. Go about your business."

Ed blinked, then shrugged. "Um. Okay. So… can I get through?"

Roy and Riza both stepped back, and Ed turned to the side to slide between them, facing Roy. The colonel thought nothing of it until he felt the faint pull of metallic fingers catching in his pocket; at that, he followed Ed with his eyes. The blonde male glanced over his shoulder and gave a hint of a grin, nodding his head at the pocket. And then, he was gone.

He reached into his pocket, feeling the paper through the coarse fabric of his gloves. Hm. Confused, he removed it, unfolding what was soon revealed to be a note of the most intriguing nature.

"Hey, Hot Stuff.

Heard everything. Nothing for you to worry about, just a little maintenance on Al. Meet me in the showers?

Ed."

That prompted a blink. Roy refolded the paper, returning it to his pocket. "Well," he said, then paused to clear his throat. "I have some, um, very important things to take a bath with. I mean, to take care of. Um… I think I'm going to go to bed. 'Night." Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked calmly down the hall.

After the first corner, he broke into a run, all the way down the hall and out of earshot.

Hughes looked down at Riza, frowning a little. "D'you think they're gonna…?"

"Probably."

"Should we go and eavesdrop?"

"I prefer to think of it as reconnaissance, sir."

And, grinning smugly to one another, the two followed Roy down the hall in the direction of the showers.


End file.
